The Hottest Spots to squat in Africa

Introduction

During our stay in Africa, the Simple Slim Slav Squatters International Travel Union organized a list of the hottest spots to squat.

The Fifth Hottest Spot to Squat; Cahora Bassa Dam,Mozambique

The great Cahora Bassa Dam was built 1974 when the Portugal still ruled Mozambique and before USSR Land sponsored their freedom. The dam is 171 meters high by 303 meters wide. (The Picture on the left is of inside the power plant, and it is of our friend the mighty Slav giant) At first, the federation of Slavic Squatters decided to go here because of the ties Mozambique had with USSR land. However, we stayed because of their beautiful currency (Metical MZN). Which has the exchange rate of 1.00 MZN to .0204USD? But, on the other hand, we did not enjoy the fact that they didn't speak the great USSR land tongue (Russian), instead, they spoke Portuguese. Also, Mozambique has one of the lowest GDP's, human development, measures of inequality, and average life expectancies, this, on the other hand, was not that different to the squallers of Slav Land (Right next to USSR land). After exploring the dam, the federation of Slavic squatter decided to travel down to the coastline because we heard that Mozambique has pretty fish and coral reefs.
(The picture on the left is of our comrade Nick  Squatting on the reefs)When we got there, we decided to try to fish, but the dang cost guard caught us and told us we could not fish there because they care about preserving the reefs. So then we decide to go the capital (). We were impressed by the colonial architecture, but we were disappointed by the mere fact the didn't build it out of sturdy squat slav steel. The city of Maputo reminded us of our friend in Latin America Fidel Castro. So we decided to invite him to travel with us. However he said no because his safety could not be guaranteed, since home invasions, and theft is very common. Also, it is said that the police like to extort money, this is not so different to the great USSR land.

The fourth Hottest Spot to Squat;  Fortress of Sao Miguel, Angola.

The Fortress wall

When we arrived at the fortress, we decided to look up the historical significance behind it. What we found was that it was built in 1576, and it was a major slave trading center. Also, the fort was the headquarters of the Portuguese Armed Forces in Angola. However, since Angola got its independence from Portugal, the fort has turned into the Museum of Armed Forces. 

Streets of Luanda

Our tour came to a quick end once you tried to sell our glorious Slavic steel weapons and the made us pay a hefty fine of 4,000 Angolan kwanza's( 1 Kwanza equals .0060 USD). We were finally set free after the police extorted us, supposedly a common act in Angola. Afterward, we decide to explore the city of where the fort was built. This is a moderately developed city, however, as of right now it was going through a huge reconstruction. The roads beautiful, but on the other hand, once we got out to the slums we found out that 53% of Angolans live and poverty ( This is not so different then USSR land. We decided that we should end our trip to Angola, because of the simple fact that we would be treated better but weren't. 

Angolan Flag

The reason that we thought that we would be treated better is that of the mere fact that USSR land helped them with their revolution against Portugal.

The Third Hottest Spot to Squat; The Vally of the Kings, Egypt

Papa Lenin in the Vally of  Kings

Big Squat at Luxor Egypt

After our visits to Angola and Mozambique, we decided to stay away from any countries that had ties to USSR land since apparently our comrades didn't feel like giving us any special treatment even though we helped them with their independence. So the Slavic Squat Travel Union decided that we should go to the Vally of  Kings since it was seen in our favorite game Serious Sam the 1st encounter ( big game back home in USSR land, kind of like hit goose with stick game). This Vally of kings sadly does not contain granddad Lenin's Mausoleum, So we decided that it's time Uncle Lenin got some fresh air, and we took him to the Vally of kings. However, the Egyptian authorities didn't like that idea and gave us a fine of 3,000 Egyptian Pounds. They said this is a grave crime against their kings that are buried in The Vally of King for example Tutankhamun, but we believe this is just an injustice against our Slavic culture. Also, heard that their kings are buried with lots of gold and antiquities, but we couldn't find any. We wanted to Squat in all 63 500-year-old tombs, but the authorities kicked us out. So, we instead went to squat in the nearby city of .

Which turned out to be another ancient city, that used to be the capital of Egypt. We squatted around of a bit but then we decided to leave Egypt, because of their recent revolutions( Arab Spring) Uncle Lenin didn't feel safe, and we bought him back to his Mausoleum and then went along our journey through Africa.

The Second Hottest Spot to Squat; Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania

The Ngorongoro Crater is a huge volcanic crater that is 600 meters deep and a protective enclosure for tens of thousands of animals. At first, we decided to go here so that we could hunt down a zebra and squat on it (we picked a zebra because they are black and white as most of USSR Land). Once we finished with that, we stuck around and enjoyed the wildlife, which ranged from rhinos, hippos, and gazelles just to name a few. After that had got old, we went to the capital city of Dodoma. Once we got there, we decided to visit the growing Tanzanian wine industry.
The wine on Avg cost 100 Tanzanian shillings. Then we went on the central line railway (which Dodoma is a major point on) and decided to go to the coastal city of Dar es Salaam, which is considered to be the tourist and commercial capital of Tanzania. The reason behind the wealth is that the town lies on some of the most important sea trade routes in the world, we tried to get a deal set up for our sturdy Slavic squat steel, but it didn't come through. The city's architecture was beautiful consisting of African, Arab, Indian, and German styles. However, many of the old buildings are dwarfed by the high-rises. After skating around for a while we went to the Kivukoni Front (main tourist attraction), a fish market was we tried to get some good old USSR land salmon, but had no luck. After we had discovered that Yellow Fever is running rampant, we left Tanzania in fear of getting sick.

The Single Most Hottest Spot to Squat in Africa; El Djem, Tunisian

El Djem is a Roman amphitheater in the city of Thysdrus. This Theatre is very similar to the Colosseum in Rome (although not a famous). The theater was used to watch gladiators fight to the death, which is very exhilarating almost as exhilarating an Amish rake fight (which is to the death and is a real thing I kid you not). The city of Thysdrus is very Catholic, so we went to the church. Afterward, we decided to donate to 300 Tunisian Dinars. Also, we went to the museum near the theater which taught us that during World War Two the most hated German Luftwaffe set up their base here. This outraged us, and we wanted to get the Amphitheatre removed from the UNESCO World Heritage site list. But, then we found out it was used by the US after they kicked the Germans out. This sort of healed the wounds but it still really  turned our gears  that those little rascals used this an airfield. Overall the Federation of simple Slavs travel union enjoyed the trip to Africa, but it had some moments that were not as pleasant as the others.

Map Of Our Travels in Africa.

Federation of Slavic Squatters Latin American Travel Blog

Top 5 locations to go to in the Latin America

By The United Federation Of Simple Slavic Squatters

Humberstone and Santa Laura Saltpeter Works

      The Humberstone and Santa Laua Saltpeter Works were a series of saltpeter mines in Chile. These mines provided saltpeter which is used for fertilizer across the Americas and Europe. The people who worked at these mines also lived there and since the mines were abandon in 1960 due to the decline of COSTAN (Compañía Salitrera de Tarapacá y Antofagasta) which was the mining company. Since then the mines have turned into a the Chernobyl of the desert minus the radiation. Then in 2005, the mines were transformed into a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Which begs the question why is Chernobyl not a World Heritage Site, In The United Federation Of Simple Slavic Squatters opinion this is a clear discrimination of the glorious but humble Slavic Squat culture.

     Also, these mines have made Chile some dollar dollar. However, because of recent Earthquakes this site has been put on the list of world heritage sites in danger and is also considered dangerous to explore since a lot of the structures are weakened ( Mainly because the were not built of sturdy Slav Squat Steel). Also, these mines are considered to be placed in the dirtiest place on Earth, which is surprising because it beat USSR land.

Machu Picchu, Peru

    Located in the Andes Mountains. Machu Picchu is an Incan settlement which was built in 1401 to 1500 and is literally on top of a mountain. Also, Machu Picchu has been considered a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1983. Some of the buildings have been reconstructed to give the tourists an idea of what it was like when it was brand new( This is not a problem in USSR land because nothing is ever new). Another fact is that Machu Picchu was voted one of the seven wonders of the world in an internet poll ( Also all of USSR land is also considered to be a world wonder to the United Federation of Slav Squatters). Currently,  Machu Picchu is run by the government of Peru and is not consider in any danger since is is being slowly rebuilt.

        

Cerro Negro, Nicaragua

Is an active volcano which is part of the Cordillera De Los Maribios mountain range, Nicaragua. This is a very young volcano, first appearing in 1850, and since then it has erupted approximately 23 times. Also, its consider being one of the most active volcanos in Latin America, and it is named after how black the ash is that spans the whole volcano. The last eruption was in 1999. Since then it has been a tourist hotspot because of snowboarding down ash. Also, this volcano almost has more shades of black than USSR where we only have gray.

Easter Island, Chile

Easter Island is considered to be a Chilian territory and its famous for its statues called moai. Also, it is a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1995. The Polynesian people who built this disappeared due to overpopulation and deforestation (And not building out of sturdy Slav squat steel). They settled Easter Island around 700CE to 1100CE. Easter Island considered being one of the most secluded islands in the world.

Easter Island has a volcanic origin. Their are at least 288 Moai, which is the huge stone statues. The average size of the statues is 14.5 feet tall. The tallest one is 33 feet tall. However, back in USSR land, we have huge statues of great leader like Stalin, Putin, USSR Man, and most importantly Slav Squat God.

Uyuni Salt Flats, Bolivia

    Is consider the world's largest salt flat and also contains up to 70% of the world's lithium reserves  (used to make great Slav batteries). The salt flat are a breeding ground for flamingos and a major transport route since its very flat. Also, the flat is used to calibrate altimeters on satellites. The flats are near the Andes mountains which is one of the reasons it still exists. The flats are used in salt production and mining.  As for tourism they have a few hotels, but the flats don't get that much tourism, and it's really had to build anything on the flats due to the lack of vegetation and materials (and strong Slav squat steel).